Shooting Myself

Today was a strange day. I had to do something that I find simultaneously exciting and intimidating. I had to take some photos of myself. Bass Player magazine has a column called Meet Your Maker that features a different prominent bass luthier every month. I guess I'm prominent because they (Rod Taylor specifically) came out and interviewed me just after the NAMM show this last January.

So today Adrian and I adjourned to the studio with a camera and an eye for lighting. I started by taking a very flattering shot of Adrian to get a feel for the space and the light:

Then I handed the camera to Adrian and we got down to the serious business of photography:

After taking some 60 odd shots we ended up with this one as my favorite:

I think the reason this type of thing is confusing to me is that it's easy to get caught up in the criticism of self necessary to do this. There is a level of presence needed to make an image that is true and real and genuine. Getting caught up in the self criticism is a trap that will impede this goal. And yet it is inherently self promotional in some regards. And for me that's the sticking point.

I've found that I have an aversion to self promotion for some reason. This is something that I've been working on in my personal journey lately. Somehow I have an old behavioral pattern that makes me afraid to stand up and take ownership and credit for my work and to be present and take a risk without fear of being judged and possibly invalidated.

It's strange because there's another part of me that is somewhat fearless in this regard. I have taken tons of risks in my career. Some of them completely hair brained with the benefit of hindsight and the wisdom of age and experience. A quick example: When I started this whole thing I bought a house and quit my job to work in the garage and start building basses. The wise part of me is horrified by that now. I quit my job and cut off an income stream! But I did it and it worked out. I guess there's something to be said for the exuberance of youth.

I suspect these two dynamics are opposite sides of the same behavioral pattern. I'm working on bringing consciousness to the whole thing. I'm me, I'm here, and I want to share my creative output, whatever that may be. Ultimately, I realize the risk of being perceived as arrogant or self absorbed must be set aside for the goal of presenting a better representation of myself to the online world and the readers of Bass Player magazine.